Sexuality Reborn: Video Review
By Corbett O'Toole (Corbett@disabledwomen.net)
If you're looking for some great quotes, watch this video. Here is just a sampling:
"I tell my friends at work: You don't know what good sex is until you've had 'a wheelchair man'".
"We use his wheelchair as a toy not an obstacle"
"After a disability, you are the same person, you just sit down a lot."
And this stunner from a doctor:
"Masturbation is the best way to get acquainted with your new body."
Sexuality Reborn tackles difficult questions about sexuality for men with spinal cord injuries (sci). Masturbation, communication, bladder issues and even sexual positions are discussed and shown in this explicit video. Made by two Kessler Institute for Rehabilitation physicians, Drs. Marca Sipski and Craig Alexander, and narrated by performer Ben Vereen, it provides a hands-on guide to post-injury sexuality. It is very much a product of its time (1993) in that there is so much medicalization of the sexual experience. Doctors narrate throughout the video; but, it is the strong sniff of sexuality that permeates the viewer's senses.
Sexuality Reborn functions on many different levels. Focusing on educating newly spinal cord injured people and their partners, it also provides valuable information for medical staff. This can also make it a confusing video for disabled people who are not in a medical setting, since there is an emphasis on medical people defining and explaining the sexual experiences of the disabled people in the film. But the potent mix of sex and rehabilitation is a powerful teaching tool.
We are introduced to four couples ranging in age from 24-37. There are four spinal cord injured men with female partners. Three of the women are nondisabled and one has spina bifida. There is one African-American couple, an African-American narrator and one Hispanic man. All the other people are white as are both medical professionals. It is worth noting that 50% of the sci men represented are men of color.
As each person is introduced, information about the disability level and current employment is also included. All couples, ages 24-37, were a disabled man with a female partner. There was no mention of alternative sexual preferences. The use of committed couples shows that these relationships are possible but also leaves the viewer without important information about negotiating sexuality with a short-term partner.
All the sci people in the video are men. There is a conscious inclusion of a woman with spina bifida but there were no sci women in this very sci- focused video. This is particularly disheartening in light of the persistent message from sci women that they feel that their sexual needs were completely ignored in rehab settings.
There was specific mention of the fact that none of the people in the video practice safe sex. This was said to be because they were all in monogamous relationships. Viewers were urged to use safe sex practices.
Seeing Sex
This video not only talks about sex but it also shows it. In the introduction Ben Vereen warns us that there will be explicit intimacy. But I was surprised when one minute Mark, a quad, is discussing his "above the nipple" sensation, then there is a sudden jump cut to him, naked in a shower, with his female partner passionately stroking him and kissing his neck. Seeing disabled people having fun sexually is valuable. It is rare that there are images of sexual behavior by people with disabilities. It is also a tribute to the filmmakers that they made the sex "hot". This must have been difficult to do when the couples were aware of being filmed.
The couple with disabilities were the most open about how they accommodate their disabilities sexually. They talked about what positions worked for them both and showed a range of positions. They showed the most creativity about how they accomodate each other's disabilities and how they are proactive about seeking out sex and sexual information.
All the couples stressed that communication is the key to having a successful relationship both in and out of bed. Men spoke frankly about the ways that their bodies are impacted by sci, particularly about erections (and lack of erections). Two men spoke directly about moving their orgasms from their bodies into their heads. One man called this having a "mental orgasm". There was no real mention of non-genital based orgasms. It was as if these men were subscribing to the myth that if they didn't have a penis based orgasm, then whatever they were experiencing was not a "real" orgasm.
There was a lot of direct talk about managing disability and sexuality. Non-disabled partners spoke frankly about losing the sexual edge when they were performing attendant tasks, like transfers and dressing. So they often found other ways to find opportunities for sex. Two couples use the time when the disabled man is already naked, such as in the shower, to have sex. One woman loves oral sex. She says that they only need a table - she climbs up and he leans over. It's easy and often available.
There was strong emphasis placed on using masturbation to explore a newly disabled body. The medical staff urged viewers to value self-exploration as a precursor to partner sex. The disabled couple also showed how they incorporate masturbation into their lovemaking repertoire.
Overall, this is a wonderful film. It is ready-made for sci men in rehab. It can be used in other settings with the awareness that it is specific to sci men and has a strong medical component. But the sex is hot enough to make it worthwhile. It is full of humor and raw sexuality. While acknowledging the day-to-day realities of dealing with a spinal injury, the couples showed great love and enjoyment of their sexuality and partnership.
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