Sexually Competent: Physical disabilities should not impede an active sex life

"With creativity, patience, and therapeutic support, persons with disabilities may maintain an active and fulfilling life." Such is the message of Irene Torices of the Mexican Institute on Sexuality (Instituto Mexicano de Sexualidad Humana), considered the best specialist in sexuality and disability based in Latin America,

During her many lectures, she indicates that "the sexual life of persons who are born with a disability or who acquire it later in life, may be affected by biological, emotional, and social causes. Nevertheless, the difficulties may be overcome with personal effort and adequate treatment.

Then she added: "The first step is recognizing what obstacles are impeding the person from enjoying sex. Then, specific strategies may be developed to overcome them. For example, spinal cord injuries usually cause erectile dysfunction in males and women to become non-orgasmic. These type of injuries damage nerve centers linked to sexual response, including erection and orgasm."

Mrs. Torices told us that: "the lack of optimum system functioning does not mean loss of the ability to enjoy sex life. Sexuality is more than genital activity, it means that we all can and should enjoy every centimeter of our skin, to awaken new sensations, and other senses such as smell, taste, tactile, and hearing."

"When person who has a stable relationship acquires a disability, by accident, disease, surgery, or other causes, partners in the relationship must lean to better communicate their needs and feelings for intimacy.

"With affection and creativity, the couple will be able to explore new positions and practices, which could make their relationship more intense and enjoyable. Sometimes it is just a matter of beginning with the obvious details that people just simply forget or take for granted: flirting, pre-sex, dressing up, and seduction."

Body and mind

Together with the rehabilitation process and the work with couples, pharmacological treatment may be necessary, for example, there are some drugs that are affective in correcting some forms of male erectile dysfunction.

Mrs. Torices explained that pills are not complete solutions, particularly where there are other emotional or social causes needing to be addressed.

Regarding disability, whether there is a biological difficulty or not, it is possible that people suffer from depression, anxiety or other emotional problems impeding, not just the full enjoyment of sex, but also of other activities.

The loss of a limb, a sense or a physical function--all raise concerns about the economic implications of disabilities, often causing psychological impacts as well. Psychological therapy may be beneficial in dealing with mourning associated with the loss of a limb or a function, and to strengthen other personal and social resources, including positive attitudes.

Again, joint efforts of couples are essential to address and deal with the difficulties. By acting together, they will not only be able to keep up with their sex life but their relationship. "When disability occurs, what really hurts the relationship is the lack of communication and sincerity among some couples." Mrs. Torices added "Couples must maintain a direct, open, and assertive communications channel, without hurting each other and with out burdening upon one of the members all the responsibilities for the relationship. Both members of the relationship must share their thoughts and their personal needs, what they like and what they do not like, sharing their fears and doubts. Not just on the sexual dimension of their relationship, but everything there is regarding the future."

Social support

The fear of being rejected tends to be greater among people with disabilities from birth or early in life. For this reason, these individuals find it hard to begin or make the first moves toward another person they find attractive. Some of them never achieve a stable relationship, nor an active sexual life.

The expert mentioned that, many of those situations may be prevented if children with disabilities are allowed to express themselves and if sex does not become a forbidden topic for them.

At the same time, society must create the necessary spaces fostering the integration of persons with disabilities into the community. These provisions include accessible environments where people are able to meet, share, work and have fun, with equal opportunities.

On the other hand, a disabled individual will have a greater possibility of developing a successful relationship with others if he or she is sincere regarding disability and its connections, not only with sexuality and other aspects of life. Where there is trust, nothing should be hidden, not even impairments. People should be able to communicate important facts about themselves, not just achievements, but limitations and problems, not just regarding their sexuality, but their everyday life. That is the best way of building a sincere and pleasant relationship," she concluded.

Dare to!

Couples may enjoy sex, even if there is a disability:

All of the attention should not be concentrated on the genitals: look for new sensations through each body part.

Be creative: try different positions to enjoy sex.

Seek the help of professionals to better understand the physical, emotional, and social difficulties of disability.

A room in the home might be redesigned or adapted for the safe practice of sex.

A healthy sexuality starting in childhood

To receive sex education in due time is as important for children born with a disability as it is for other children. Yet, since many parents lack information, they just do not communicate openly with their daughters and sons, particularly if they present a disability.

Then, these children grow up with insufficient knowledge and skills to develop emotional relationships or to enjoy sexuality, said Irene Torices, an expert in sexuality and disability, during the National Congress on Sexuality, held in Costa Rica this spring. "When parents have a child born with a disability, they think that she or he will always remain a child, not needing information and unable to participate in a love relationship."

However, there is something even more alarming. Ignorance and lack of social skills make children and young persons with disabilities more vulnerable to sexual abuse and violence.

Torrices emphasized the importance of informing children and adolescents about their bodies, functions, and physical changes. They all must gradually learn about sexual life, pregnancy, birth control, and sexually transmitted diseases.

Mrs. Torices told the audience about the importance of parents and teachers respecting the privacy of children and adolescents with disabilities, without inhibiting practices like masturbation, so they may live their sexuality.

"Masturbation helps to know your own body and will help the person to be able to communicate to her or his future partner how she or he would like to be caressed. Furthermore, masturbation is still the only way for many persons with disabilities to experience a satisfactory sexual experience in their lives."

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